Rants!!!!

So I reviewed the last entry and realized it might have been a little long. Being guilty of "skimming" anything more than 2 paragraphs myself, I can almost understand. The difference being, what you're reading now is far more interesting that most anything else you'll do today. Don't sulk; just accept it. Also, there will be more than the usual amount of swearing in this post. This is official warning. I'm in a peavey mood and I'm gonna go off on some general stereotypes and groups. Be forewarned.

Before I launch into the last 48 hrs, a few updates I forgot to include in my last post. After leaving the big girls apartments Matt and Paul and I decided it was time to officially christen the Northern Atlantic. If anyone wants to know where Portrush is, look on a map of Ireland. See that Northern most point? Yeah, that's it, in winter. So we run our bare asses down the beach at 3am and give that big drink of water the full Monty. Hell yeah! Now, I haven't seen the little general in a few days but I'm sure that's normal.

After I posted before we ducked into this bar right down the road from our place. We aren't exactly on Madison Ave if you get my drift but we were interested in being away from the tourist. Which brings me to my first "on-and-on". Americans suck, female Americans suck more, and East Coast pain in the ass, daddy's girls, manicured, Ugg boots wearing, knock off Dior sunglass sporting, girls are the instrument of the devil and have done nearly as much and our noble leader "W" to ruin international relations. American's hear me now, NO MORE TRAVELLING UNTIL YOU'RE 25! You can't be trusted. You wine about finding a McDonalds and ask if you can have ice in your coke like it's an infraction of the Geneva Convention. Fucking suck it up you wining bitches. Frat guys, you're all idiots – no exceptions. You're all fucking morons. Part of me was happy to see you broadening your horizons and discovering new cultures. Then I realized you're all much too stupid to let any of those experiences have any impact on your worldview at all. Please get vasectomies ASAP. I'll spring for it. Just send me the bill. Whew, ok.

So we ducked in and had a pint. The locals didn't seem too happy to have their haven descended upon by what I'm sure they saw as seasonal locusts. As we headed out the door, the bartender who was pretty cool and got us our pints sharpish, told us to have a good time at the Gaelic Football and Hurling matches the next day. I tell you what, that got 'em started. Pretty soon we were mates with everyone in the bar and had the skinny on the matches the next day. They told us to come in the next day for Patty’s day and we felt like we'd been invited over for Thanksgiving dinner.

Gaelic football is like Rugby with a soccer ball and Hurling is like lacrosse if it was played in west Texas, preferably Odessa and Midland. Every county (11), they're like states, compete all year to go to the finals. This was like the supper bowl. There are no professional teams in Ireland. They all play for the county, the jersey and the glory/love of the sport. These lads are out for blood and stop at NOTHING to win. So we wake up, have breakfast and hit the road to go get tickets for the culmination of a full year of playoffs. We head down to their stadium (85,000 capacity) and ask a cop who was blocking off the street for the parade route if we're on the right track to get tickets.

Now pause for my next "on-and-on". Cops suck, period. Everywhere in the world I've been to, cops suck. England (especially), France, Spain, The States, you name it. Everywhere except Ireland apparently. This cop, who happens to be a woman (and women, as we all know, are the WORST cops because they have some tough-shit axe to grind on women who cry to get out of tickets and all men in general) says "You're going to the match? Here have 2 of my tickets." I shit you not, the cop hands over 2, 50 yard line front row tickets to 3, out of country Yanks and says to route for Galway! So after this I started thinking. If all the cops in the world are jackass, power hungry wankers with napoleon complexes, why is Ireland immune from this affliction? Then I started connecting the dots, what work force in America was predominantly Irish from the early 1800s for the late 1900s? Easy, Cops. It took people like Taminy and the Pinkertons (both English by the way) to corrupt entire forces. Ergo, Irish posses the skill to no only kick ass when ever they need to, but also the confidence and intelligence to know it's rarely necessary. They're like really smart bears. That is unless the British want a taste, in which case they'll get a dose that'll make 'em wish they were born else where. Think on it, you'll get there too.

Ok, that's all for now. I'll post again in just a sec. Thanks to all for the encouraging comments and replies. It's been a blast!

Mark "madman" Mitchell